The future brightens

You read it here first: DGF has selected a replacement for her executive vice president, Ed Forst, who has resigned. In one of her many strokes of brilliance she has hired Zoe Warren-Washburne, the tough, smart, talented former first officer on Serenity, the legendary salvage ship. She is just what DGF needs, a tactician who has worked with the best and prevailed through many trials by fire. She also shares DGF’s attitude toward fashion—wear whatever works best for the job and then forget about it. As with DGF, the result is exactly correct and eminently flattering.

From Drew’s official press release: “I am extremely pleased that Zoe Warren-Washburne has agreed to come to Harvard and serve as the University’s second executive vice president. She brings deep experience with a large, complex, and universal organization, a proven track record in managing the functions that will be central to her new role, and an outstanding reputation for her effective leadership style.

“We have important work ahead of us, with new challenges unfolding daily, and Zoe’s leadership and experience will help ensure that our administrative capacity can support our academic ambitions at the level of excellence they deserve, despite our need to address urgent and rare issues.” Faust continued.

Warren-Washburne said, "The decision to leave Serenity was extremely difficult. In my many years as First Officer I formed lasting and deep relationships with the captain and crew, but they understand my desire to work in a new environment with new challenges and to spend quality time with my feet planted on the good ship Earth.

“I am ready and eager to serve my new captain: Drew Gilpin Faust.”

As First Officer Warren-Washburne became known for her intense loyalty—which extended to her refusal to steer her boss wrong. She sizes up complex situations rapidly with uncanny accuracy. She is also an accurate shot. Her weapon of choice is her sawed-off rifle, which she wears holstered off her right hip and leg. She's draws on a variety of back up hand guns as well as a pump action shot gun.

Zoe Warren-Washburne has all the qualities we look for in a Southern lady and a person to serve as First Officer to our dear Captain Drew.

The Fan Club is indebted to erdprods on IMDb for details on Warren-Washburne’s career.

The future looks dim

The Drew Gilpin Faust Fan Club has since last November several times taken note of the resemblance POTUS has to our dear DGF. With much discussion recently about his resemblance to Spock, and after a field trip to see the new Star Trek prequel, we labored to see if a character there might resemble DGF, or if perhaps she might be even more Spocklike than POTUS. After all, like Spock, who spurned the Vulcan elite in order to join Starfleet Academy, Drew left behind her native land to achieve great power within an alien culture.

Alas, we could not see much of Dr. Faust in Mr. Spock. In fact, we came away disheartened to see that in the far distant future, despite so many advances in space travel and intergalactic cooperation, civilization has not advanced far enough to enable the invention of pants for women.

Three women are in the movie. One is shown only in the final stage of giving birth. She is of course pantless. One is sexually accommodating the young Kirk. She is pantless and green. Not that there's anything wrong with being green. The third is Uhura. She is wonderful but she exists only for Kirk to pine after and Spock to kiss. It is implied that she is also brilliant and useful. The poor dear, though, along with the other women on the ship, must traipse about pantless.

I asked Drew to weigh in on the issue of what does the future hold for women if we must go pantless. Here is her reply:

"As we attempt to balance yesterday’s dreams with today’s realities and tomorrow’s needs, we must remember that as we struggle with our own wardrobes, we are nonetheless being looked to for future and intergalactic solutions. I believe we in the present are uniquely prepared to answer the future's summons - through the breakthroughs that result from our research, through our concentration of institutions that are anchored here, and through our shared capacity for collaboration and innovation that helps drive sartorial progress.

"We are in an enviable position because our institutions - including UMass, Tufts, Northeastern, Boston University, MIT, and Harvard, together form an enormous engine, an engine that is fueled by curiosity and a mission to stretch the boundaries of new fabrics and their embellishments, an engine that must continue to do so in order to ensure our continue ability to supply pants to women.

"Our colleges and universities are magnets for funding from outside sources, which enables us to spend considerable dollars right here in the Commonwealth, at high-end boutiques, at the fabulous Natick Collection, and at the off-price stores, at TJ Maxx, at Microcenter, and at Trader Joe's.

"One of the most significant things about our research universities is that they are engines that also produce the fuel – the scientists, physicians, and engineers, and their husbands - that buy the new products that will help renew our economy and power the nation’s ability to continue to provide leg-wear for women. Mayor Menino understands this, and his advocacy, along with that of leaders on Beacon Hill, has helped ensure that Boston and Massachusetts will continue to be the world’s leading pants wearers, even during these challenging times and well into the distant future. "

These are encouraging words from a brilliant woman. I take heart! Perhaps the future will continue to be as progressive for women as the present. It's literally the least we can ask.

Honorary degree

The financial services professionals are wondering if we are having a junk rally. DGF and I meanwhile are suffering through a junk spring. We are back into cashmere and corduroy, bundling up to check on the progress of our polygonum in the petit bois. What bright spots can we find in the gardens of our lives, nevermind Wall Street and Main Street?
Miss Grimke: You should be one of those Southerners made honorary Yankees.
DGF: I'm not sure what to think of that.
Miss Grimke: Many honors are double-edged.
DGF: Not those bestowed by the New York Historical Society.
Miss Grimke: Stephen Colbert and Shepard Fairey could be honorary Yankees.
DGF: Who's an honorary Southerner?
Miss Grimke: Mitt Romney off the top of my head.
DGF: Do you think all Republicans who aren't from the South should be honorary Southerners?
Miss Grimke: No of course not. David Souter wouldn't be a Southerner if you locked him in a closet with Dolly Parton and force-fed him grits. Neither would Bill Buckley.
DGF: At least he'd be warm!

NEWS FLASH: DGF GOES WILD IN RED!

We have never seen her in this color. We have never seen her in anything so colorful (in public). This is a major major breakthrough! Doesn't she look great?! I have to believe her breakthrough color is red because, well, it's crimson.

Speaking of crimson, this picture is from the Crimson, and beneath it the gentleman photographer Adam Sidman lets us know it is for sale. Of course we did not buy it. We do not have money for purchasing photographs in our budget. Drew, I regret to report, has decided that it would be unseemly for her to use her $50,000 book award to fund Champagne for the fan club. So if Mr. Sidman comes after us we'll have to take up a collection or throw ourselves on his mercy.

Rivalry at the top

Miss Grimke: I could start a Fan Club for Elizabeth Warren.
DGF: Knock yourself out.
Miss Grimke: Are you jealous?
DGF: She is very pretty.
Miss Grimke: No, I mean, that she is Cop of the Tarp and you are just president of old Harvard.
DGF: I'm struggling real hard to see the downside of that.
Miss Grimke: She was on The Daily Show.
DGF: Okay, now I'm feeling a bit of a twinge.
Miss Grimke: But she doesn't have a Fan Club yet.
DGF: Bless her heart.

Backfire

Spring has come to the calendar, but not to Elmwood. The trees are bare, and the backyard is soggy from heavy rains. Only two signs of our shade garden (aka le petit bois) have appeared: the leaves of the helleborus and what we hope is the cimicifuga but fear may be some noxious weed. The Harvard Hole haunts us, but we try to keep our conversation focused on other areas of concern.

Miss Grimke: If this so-called garden doesn't show signs of life soon, you should take your $50,000 and buy that double-barrel cannon from Athens. It would look good here.

DGF: I can't imagine that Athens would part with its cannon.

Miss Grimke: Obviously you have never tasted the desperation of poverty.

DGF: That's true, but I have a good imagination. And pride has been known to outweigh hunger.

Miss Grimke: You could just make an offer.

DGF: Perhaps I'm not interested in spending my $50,000 on bringing a cannon to Elmwood.

Miss Grimke: What if it has historical significance?

DGF: I'm sure it does, but heavy weaponry was not my field of study, only the outcome of its use.

Miss Grimke: Then you should know this! A brilliant southern gentleman, Mr. John Gilleland, invented the cannon to fire two cannonballs linked by a chain.

DGF: Indeed. Did it work?

Miss Grimke: It was spectacular! In the test firing one of the balls left the muzzle before the other and so they flew around wildly in big circles, plowing up an acre of ground, destroying a corn field, and mowing down some saplings before the chain broke.

DGF: That was spectacular.

Miss Grimke: But that's not all! After the chain broke the balls flew off in separate directions. One killed a cow. The other crashed into the chimney of a house. Mr. Gilleland declared the cannon an unqualified success.

DGF: Was it ever used in battle?

Miss Grimke: No. The powers that were did not agree that it was a success and refused to provide funds for further experiments.

DGF: You are not going to relate this to Allston are you.

Miss Grimke: No. But it does sort of remind me of Larry.

DGF: I sure do hope the toad lilies bloom again this fall.


The Fan Club plagiarized part of an account of the cannon by Richard E. Irby, Jr. for the purposes of this blog. The full account is here: http://ngeorgia.com/ang/Athen's_Double_Barrel_Cannon

Commentary on current events

Drew was fresh from her triumph at the New York Historical Society, accepting the $50,000 prize for Death Warmed Over, aka This Republic of Suffering, and feeling receptive to an interview on important current events.

Miss Grimke: So what do you think about the cardigans?

DGF: What cardigans?

Miss Grimke: Michelle's cardigans.

DGF: What about her cardigans?

Miss Grimke: Don't you think she's over-doing them?

DGF: Is it possible to over-do cardigans?

Miss Grimke: I certainly think so. The election night cardigan was edgy. The sparkly cardigan for meeting the Browns was acceptable if not brilliant. But a cardigan to meet the Queen? And that crazy cardigan she wore to the concert! Good grief! Enough is enough!

DGF: Cardigans travel really well.

Miss Grimke: What do you know about cardigans?

DGF: I went through a cardigan period.

Miss Grimke: I just bet you did.