Soul searching

Drew has accused us of trivializing serious subjects, and yet she has been grateful for our ability to cut through the razzle-dazzle and focus on timeless values. Uncertainty sometimes seems our only certainty.

But what has become clear is that we are living through much more than a bump in the road. We are navigating without a map, plucking our eyebrows without a mirror. We don’t know if we are headed for a deep abyss out of which we will need to claw our way hand over fist or if we are headed for a deep dark woods where branches will whip us in the face and thorns tear at our clothes and in the distance we hear the terrifying sound, like a woman’s scream and then we realize that it’s something worse—a bobcat—and it’s coming closer. It is starving. We are its prey. We have no choice but to run as fast as we can, tearing off garments to leave in our wake, to slow the beast. We throw off clothes until we are running naked, freezing and sweating. Will we reach shelter in time? Will we get arrested for indecent exposure? What if it really is a screaming woman and not a bobcat?

Discovering as much as we can about the nature of our situation is critical; it lies at the heart of what we do. Doing so will mean taking some difficult steps. At a time of new constraint, it will involve discipline and sacrifice. It will entail hard choices about what matters most.

This challenge can seem particularly daunting after a period of extended growth and expansive opportunities. But we live in the moment that history has presented to us, and I am confident we will rise to this occasion even though we have never done this before.

It is our collective obligation to face the situation with the right balance of short-term focus and long-term ambition, for ourselves and for dear Dr. Faust, whose disposition will be shaped by our choices.

Wherever we work or eat, whatever the demands of our present moment, we share enduring ideals. We are committed to attracting the most able and creative community of fans in the world, and pursuing new knowledge and ideas with all the imagination and rigor we can summon. We are committed to opening our doors to products of the highest caliber as long as we can obtain them for a reasonable mark-up. We are committed, as part of a nation and a world vexed with complex problems, to seeking new understandings and solutions informed by serious consumption of Champagne. And we are committed to upholding the values of free inquiry and expression, of excellence and innovation across the domains of fashion, food, and gardening that shape our fan club.

Leading the way at Fashion Week

Secretary Geithner wants to stress-test the banks. Meanwhile, I'm stress-testing my Spanx. Have you any idea what happens to a Southern lady who becomes ice-bound and does not watch what she eats? I should get Geithner to ring-fence my pantry.

Drew is also being stress-tested, but Fashion Week has provided much-needed diversion, as well as validating her fashion sense. It turns out our game-changing Dr. Faust is a leader in the area of fashion as well as in so many other areas!

As suits suits suits pranced down the runway all the faces in the tent turned toward Drew. Or would have. Had she been at Fashion Week. Which she could have been. But probably wasn’t. But obviously the beautiful people and the fashion designers are all Drew Gilpin Faust fans!

So brilliant she is! She can update her wardrobe merely by belting her jackets! Perfect for these times of austerity. I'm sure she has lots of belts. If not I can lend her mine. None of mine fit anymore. Did I mention she is brilliant? I can't wait to see this look on her.

Not About Allston

Miss Grimke: Too bad you don't qualify for the early retirement package.

DGF: I am not interested in throwing in the towel yet, at any rate.

Miss Grimke: Some people say there has been a lot of wasteful spending at the World's Richest University and you need to cut back on the perks, like Champagne. I'm appalled.

DGF: Any large institution is going to have areas where money could have been spent more wisely or should not have been spent at all. We are taking a close look at everything.

Miss Grimke: But cut back on Champagne? That would be a huge huge loss.

DGF: How's it going, your work with Trader Joe's on the sparkling Chuque?

Miss Grimke: Slowly, slowly, somewhat like the construction in Allston.

DGF: Please don't start with the Allston bit again. It ceases to amuse me.

Miss Grimke: I hear the Allston rats are starting to wear little red hoodies that say "Harvard University."

DGF: Again with the not listening to me.

Miss Grimke: How about this: Dr. Faust goes pantless to draw attention to the need to cut back on expenses.

DGF: Now I remember. This is a fashion blog. I'm always pantless under my robe.

Another literary dish-fest

Miss Grimke: Is anyone allowed to say anything negative about John Updike? Is he a national treasure, like Barbaro or Brady?

DGF: He was perhaps the Harvard of white male writers.

Miss Grimke: He was the purveyor of the philosophy of self-realization through the practice of adultery.

DGF: He was very gifted in his use of the language, but when he tried to write from the female point of view the only characters he could imagine himself into were witches. And when he imagined female power he imagined it would be used to fight over men.

Miss Grimke: He wrote the male equivalent of high-brow chicklit.

DGF: I would not pursue that metaphor in an armored Hummvee.

Beleaguered and besieged

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have got us down. Our dear Dr. Faust, like the other game-changing President, is cool under pressure, loves sinking her teeth into tough problems, putting her shoulder to the wheel, and forging on. But like Mr. Obama, after a long strenuous day gnawing over intractable dilemmas and deflecting more unpleasant surprises, she finds herself flat on her back in the bed staring at the ceiling wondering Whatever happened to the Future in Future Farmers of America?

The Road to Elmwood

Miss Grimke: Is Faust the Obama of Harvard?

DGF: I refuse to engage in such grandiosities. You are the fan club president--I'm just its innocent victim.

Miss Grimke: Would Larry be the W?

DGF: You know I don't traffic in trash talk about my predecessor. Is this so-called conversation going anywhere interesting? Larry was competent. He's more than competent. He's brilliant. Ask Obama for heaven's sake! W was something else--we don't know what. At least I don't know what.

Miss Grimke: As W paved the way for Obama, Larry paved the way for Drewdie.

DGF: I paved my own damn way Miss Grimke!

Miss Grimke: Okay okay okay, don't get all testy on me!

The Harvard of Fan Clubs

Stuff White People Like, #98: The Ivy League (see http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/05/06/98-the-ivy-league/).

Of course the comments deteriorated into the usual blah blah around whether Harvard is or isn't over-rated. One poster of the "isn't" persuasion noted that colleges not in the northeast tend to promote themselves by saying they are the "Harvard of Where-ever." True, that. But what if "Harvard" were used to mean "widely perceived as being the best but often challenged as over-rated, also the oldest and very expensive and maybe the most prestigious but tainted with a wee (sometimes not so wee) bit of pretension?"

Then "the Harvard of" could be applied to a vast array of subjects. Here we give it a try:

The Daily Show is the Harvard of Comedy Central.
The black lab is the Harvard of dogs.
Slow-cook oatmeal is the Harvard of breakfast.
The American beech is the Harvard of trees.
The cello is the Harvard of instruments.
The Maine coon cat is the Harvard of cats.
The peony is the Harvard of perennials.
The quiche is the Harvard of brunch.
Alex Beam is the Harvard of Boston Globe "g" columnists.
The butterfly is the Harvard of swimming strokes.
The duck boot is the Harvard of wet cold winter footwear.
The Boston rocker is the Harvard of chairs.
Ikea is the Harvard of discount shopping.
Trader Joe's is the Harvard of grocery stores.
The turkey is the Harvard of fowl.
The cable-knit pullover is the Harvard of sweaters
The almond is the Harvard of nuts.
Lobster is the Harvard of seafood.
Cheesecake is the Harvard of desserts.
The latte is the Harvard of coffee drinks

DGF is the Harvard of Civil War scholars (except there is no doubt she is the best and she isn't even the wee-est bit pretentious).