NEWS FLASH: DGF GOES WILD IN RED!

We have never seen her in this color. We have never seen her in anything so colorful (in public). This is a major major breakthrough! Doesn't she look great?! I have to believe her breakthrough color is red because, well, it's crimson.

Speaking of crimson, this picture is from the Crimson, and beneath it the gentleman photographer Adam Sidman lets us know it is for sale. Of course we did not buy it. We do not have money for purchasing photographs in our budget. Drew, I regret to report, has decided that it would be unseemly for her to use her $50,000 book award to fund Champagne for the fan club. So if Mr. Sidman comes after us we'll have to take up a collection or throw ourselves on his mercy.

Rivalry at the top

Miss Grimke: I could start a Fan Club for Elizabeth Warren.
DGF: Knock yourself out.
Miss Grimke: Are you jealous?
DGF: She is very pretty.
Miss Grimke: No, I mean, that she is Cop of the Tarp and you are just president of old Harvard.
DGF: I'm struggling real hard to see the downside of that.
Miss Grimke: She was on The Daily Show.
DGF: Okay, now I'm feeling a bit of a twinge.
Miss Grimke: But she doesn't have a Fan Club yet.
DGF: Bless her heart.

Backfire

Spring has come to the calendar, but not to Elmwood. The trees are bare, and the backyard is soggy from heavy rains. Only two signs of our shade garden (aka le petit bois) have appeared: the leaves of the helleborus and what we hope is the cimicifuga but fear may be some noxious weed. The Harvard Hole haunts us, but we try to keep our conversation focused on other areas of concern.

Miss Grimke: If this so-called garden doesn't show signs of life soon, you should take your $50,000 and buy that double-barrel cannon from Athens. It would look good here.

DGF: I can't imagine that Athens would part with its cannon.

Miss Grimke: Obviously you have never tasted the desperation of poverty.

DGF: That's true, but I have a good imagination. And pride has been known to outweigh hunger.

Miss Grimke: You could just make an offer.

DGF: Perhaps I'm not interested in spending my $50,000 on bringing a cannon to Elmwood.

Miss Grimke: What if it has historical significance?

DGF: I'm sure it does, but heavy weaponry was not my field of study, only the outcome of its use.

Miss Grimke: Then you should know this! A brilliant southern gentleman, Mr. John Gilleland, invented the cannon to fire two cannonballs linked by a chain.

DGF: Indeed. Did it work?

Miss Grimke: It was spectacular! In the test firing one of the balls left the muzzle before the other and so they flew around wildly in big circles, plowing up an acre of ground, destroying a corn field, and mowing down some saplings before the chain broke.

DGF: That was spectacular.

Miss Grimke: But that's not all! After the chain broke the balls flew off in separate directions. One killed a cow. The other crashed into the chimney of a house. Mr. Gilleland declared the cannon an unqualified success.

DGF: Was it ever used in battle?

Miss Grimke: No. The powers that were did not agree that it was a success and refused to provide funds for further experiments.

DGF: You are not going to relate this to Allston are you.

Miss Grimke: No. But it does sort of remind me of Larry.

DGF: I sure do hope the toad lilies bloom again this fall.


The Fan Club plagiarized part of an account of the cannon by Richard E. Irby, Jr. for the purposes of this blog. The full account is here: http://ngeorgia.com/ang/Athen's_Double_Barrel_Cannon

Commentary on current events

Drew was fresh from her triumph at the New York Historical Society, accepting the $50,000 prize for Death Warmed Over, aka This Republic of Suffering, and feeling receptive to an interview on important current events.

Miss Grimke: So what do you think about the cardigans?

DGF: What cardigans?

Miss Grimke: Michelle's cardigans.

DGF: What about her cardigans?

Miss Grimke: Don't you think she's over-doing them?

DGF: Is it possible to over-do cardigans?

Miss Grimke: I certainly think so. The election night cardigan was edgy. The sparkly cardigan for meeting the Browns was acceptable if not brilliant. But a cardigan to meet the Queen? And that crazy cardigan she wore to the concert! Good grief! Enough is enough!

DGF: Cardigans travel really well.

Miss Grimke: What do you know about cardigans?

DGF: I went through a cardigan period.

Miss Grimke: I just bet you did.