We look forward to our continued work with Drew as we address these challenges together.

As we navigate our way through these turbulent economic times, it is good to reflect on the timeless shared values from which we derive our greathest strengths.

Miss Grimke: Who is the sexiest man alive?

DGF: Charlie of course.

Miss Grimke: Then who is the sexiest man dead? Matthew Brady?

DGF: He was a fine looking man, but I think I'd go with Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Miss Grimke: Even if he was pure distilled Yankee?

DGF: Even if.

Miss Grimke: You do have an open mind!

DGF: Indeed I do!

Getting a little grimmer

Southern Ladies are renown for their ability to make do beautifully in times of austerity, and our dear Dr. Faust is no exception. Nevertheless it is painful when we have to cut back on our plans to make the world more lovely.

Miss Grimke: Is it true that the Allston redo is hold?

DGF: I'm afraid so, Miss Grimke.

Miss Grimke: But we have the colors all picked out!

DGF: The colors will keep.

Miss Grimke: Can't we just cut back? Use Formica instead of granite? Do more with Home Depot? Or Ikea? Ikea has beautiful design at very reasonable prices.

DGF: Is this a product placement or an interview?

Miss Grimke: Now you've hurt my feelings.

DGF: It's symbolic, really, like the goat farm. Though of course one would notice the cost of Allston, whereas we could slip the goat farm in under the radar.

Miss Grimke: Could we really? Do you think?

DGF: I think I would not like to hear what Mr. Beam would say if he got wind of such a thing.

Miss Grimke: I don't give a fig what Mr. Bean says.

DGF: Nevertheless, Allston is on hold.

Miss Grimke: I know billions and billions have melted away, but we still have billions and billions left.

DGF: We?

Miss Grimke: We have enough to buy Home Depot or Ikea. DIY should be an excellent investment. Then we could unload them at a profit when the economy recovers. We'd look brilliant!

DGF: Some of us already look brilliant.

Miss Grimke: Let's buy Microcenter? I know you love Microcenter! Or Trader Joe's--a more delectable investment I cannot imagine!

DGF: I don't think finance is your strong suit, dear.

Miss Grimke: Unlike Larry, you mean?

DGF: Don’t worry, we won’t sell the orientals. We won’t smash up the baby grand for fire wood. Though I must admit I’m a bit weary of that hideously depressing Allston hanging over the mantle.

Tightening Our Belts

Miss Grimke: I’m so excited about the big dinner in December at Elmwood. Thanks so much for putting me on the task force!

DGF: We all know of the extraordinary turbulence still roiling the world’s financial markets and the broader economy.

Miss Grimke: I am preparing vast amounts of congealed salad, using locally harvested sustainable canned fruits and tiny marshmellows and generic gelatin.

DGF: The downturn is widely seen as the most serious in decades, and each day’s headlines remind us that heightened volatility and persisting uncertainty have become our new economic reality.

Miss Grimke: Cheese balls provide a really fun, festive touch, and they are also economical, if you shop at Trader Joe’s for the cheese.

DGF: For all the challenges such circumstances present, we are fortunate to be part of an institution remarkable for its resilience.

Miss Grimke: Of course I’ll make them myself, using an old family recipe that was once printed in the Charleston News and Courier!

DGF: Over centuries, Harvard has weathered many storms and sustained its strength through difficult times. We have done so by staying true to our academic values and our long-term ambitions, by carefully stewarding our resources and thoughtfully adapting to change. We will do so again.

Miss Grimke: Do you think we can afford to double the amount of pecans in the pies? I know that makes them so much better than ordinary. I’d hate to skimp on pecans!

DGF: But we must recognize that Harvard is not invulnerable to the seismic financial shocks in the larger world.

Miss Grimke: Okay, I guess that means we’ll be rolling in squash and pumpkin pies. Sustainable, locally grown squash and pumpkin.

DGF: Our own economic landscape has been significantly altered. We will need to plan and act in ways that reflect that reality, to assure that we continue to advance our priorities for teaching, research, and service.

Miss Grimke: But at the expense of pecan pies, I see! Indeed we have fallen on hard hard times.

Tear Down the Curtains

Drew and I were recovering from all the excitement by working on a plan for a demonstration produce garden at Elmwood. Of course the new administration was not far from our thoughts.

Miss Grimke: Does the election of Barack Obama mean our country has been redeemed from the original sin of slavery?

DGF: I would not want to put that great a burden on the shoulders of any one man. But it certainly lightens our hearts.

Miss Grimke: Are you jealous that Larry’s name is being mentioned for a cabinet post?

DGF: Oh yes. I want everything Larry has. I have his office, his chair, his university. . .

Miss Grimke: His bell, book, and candle.

DGF: What? Oh you mean the keys, the charter, and the great seal.

Miss Grimke: Whatever. Don’t you want to be in the cabinet too?

DGF: Absolutely. I have radical ideas I want to implement as soon as possible.

Miss Grimke: Please share them with us!

DGF: My ideas center on draperies. I want to tear them down. . .

Miss Grimke: And make a ball dress?

DGF: No no no! I would send them to Al Gore for recycling. I want to tear down the draperies to leave the windows bare, to let in all the light. I favor a simple, unadorned window, draperies take a lot of energy to clean, and sunlight is the best disinfectant.

Miss Grimke: Dr. Faust, I would appoint you Secretary of Drapery.

DGF: And I would work myself right out of a job!

Sumner Would Be Proud

The scribbler Alex Beam tried to make fun of Dr. Faust because she’s promoting sustainability. Of course he failed, but not before delivering a nasty jab. He went so far as to mention goats, callously disregarding Dr. Faust’s having had to give up her dream of a dairy at Elmwood.

Mr. Beam resides in splendor in the principality of Waban, where at the “farmers market” during the warm month one may be allowed to purchase a ripe tomato for $5, truly a bargain given that it is not raised but coddled, nurtured in organic soil worked by free-range basidiomycetes and fertilized by yak droppings hand-gathered in the high Qinghai-Tibetan Plateau.

Mr. Bean’s ribbing Dr. Faust is like the Mercedes calling the Volvo snobbish.

Blondes Having Fun

DGF: Are we allowed to discuss the wardrobes of the ladies involved in the campaign? Is that suitable for polite conversation?

Miss Grimke: Indubitably!

DGF: Well that’s too bad because I think talking about clothes is boring.

Miss Grimke: Well shut my mouth!

DGF: Just kidding! I think talking about my clothes is boring. I think Sarah has an excellent fashion sense.

Miss Grimke: I totally agree. I think you could learn a thing or two from her.

DGF: What did I just say?

Miss Grimke: Blah blah blah. Cindy McCain I think looked better when her style was a little less, you know, like she was trying too hard.

DGF: Trying too hard! That is the Southern Lady’s worst insult!

Miss Grimke: Well, really. Bless her heart, it is such a difficult thing to do: looking good effortlessly. Sometimes it happens just by chance and sometimes you can’t pull it off no matter how hard you try.

DGF: Michelle is like Sarah. I don’t think she has hit a false note yet.

Miss Grimke: I love her in purple. But you know Cindy has one advantage the other two lack.

DGF: What’s that?

Miss Grimke: Being blond. Being blond trumps a lot.

DGF: Ain’t that the truth!

Tea Time

Miss Grimke: Is Barack Obama a Southern Lady?

DGF: Indubitably! I’d love to say that, but really, he is more of a Southern Gentleman.

Miss Grimke: I knew that, but really, he’d look good even in a dress.

DGF: It’s the slim. The slim look good in anything.

Miss Grimke: But not the really skinny. I don’t like to see bones, for heaven’s sake, except at Halloween.

DGF: Are we allowed to discuss religion or politics in polite company?

Miss Grimke: I was taught otherwise. Especially not over dinner.

DGF: Oh I’m terribly sorry. Are you hungry? I have some excellent goat cheese rolled in cracked peppercorns.

Miss Grimke: Delightful! I’d love to have some.

DGF: Specialty of the house!

Footwear for winter

New England winters can be hard on us Southern Ladies. It can be hard on anyone who doesn't have door to door car service. But hardship can bring out the best in us, and we do love the snow and an excuse to curl up next to a warm fire with a little glass of sherry or, really, a large bottle of sherry. In the event of an all-out Alberta Clipper protocol would call for Canadian whiskey, though a nice Kentucky bourbon would do in a pinch.

On a day when the sky was leaden but the Norway maples had not yet peaked, I slipped over to Elmwood for a little chit chat and I won't tell you what else.

Miss Grimke: I do love winter and yet I hate it.
DGF: Ambiguity is at the heart of it.
Miss Grimke: It's an excuse for cashmere and fur but there is absolutely nothing you can put on your feet to keep them warm and dry.
DGF: Duck boots are the only thing.
Miss Grimke: Duck boots ruin any outfit, I don't care how rustic.
DGF: I'm not meaning either to condemn or celebrate them.
Miss Grimke: Now that you are well into your sophomore year, how do you like your job?
DGF: Heavy is the burden of independence and automony.
Miss Grimke: Does it require ten thousand acts of domination per day?
DGF: No. One or two usually does the trick.
Miss Grimke: So being mistress of Harvard is nothing like trying to manage a hundred slaves while your husband is off whupping Yankees?
DGF: Of course not. It's more like trying to herd cats.
Miss Grimke: When your expertise lies in the herding of goats.
DGF: I think I've adapted.
Miss Grimke: I've never seen you in duck boots.
DGF: You've never seen me in a lot of things, and you never will.

Toad lilies, goat farms, and branding

Our dear Dr. Faust has suffered a set-back. Nothing major or serious, but truly a disappointment for her. She has had to abandon her dream of having a model goat farm at Elmwood. Even with me helping as project manager, running a dairy large enough to supply cheese for the dining hall would be too much of a distraction from her day job, especially now that the financial community is belly up in a ditch and even the World's Richest University has to sit very very still and take deep cleansing breaths.

So Drew has scaled back, for now anyway. She thinks of her goats more as pets than a demonstration of the Sustainable University. Sure we'll make a little cheese, but it'll just be for friends and family, and maybe we'll have a tasting as a fund-raiser for the Mathew Brady Memorial Darkroom.

The old 4-H-er has to get her hands dirty, so she's started a shade garden in a lovely spot at Elmwood. Her biggest delight now is tending a collection of toad lilies that surprised us by blooming a few weeks ago. We moved two plastic chairs to a spot of grass near the new flower bed and fell into what could pass for political discourse, or maybe not.

Miss Grimke: Do you consider yourself a maverick?

DGF: Perhaps. But a maverick is someone or something that has been not been branded. I'm afraid I've been branded.

Miss Grime: Branded what?

DGF: Feminist, for one thing. When I get depressed all I have to do is remember how the old boy Civil War historians got their boxers in knots over Mothers of Invention.

Miss Grimke: That cheers me up, too!

DGF: Here's what I don't understand, and I'm a highly educated individual. How can you be a maverick if you brand yourself a maverick and a maverick is unbranded?

Miss Grimke: Greater minds than ours will have to answer that question, Dr. Faust.

Time for a change, Drew!

Miss Grimke: I know what you should wear besides the suit suit suit.

DGF: Really. What.

Miss Grimke: One of those lace dresses Miuccia Prada has dreamed up. There are some very very serious dresses in that collection. In particular, a cream one with long sleeves and a turtle neck. It is very you.

DGF: How can lace ever be me?

Miss Grimke: Signora Prada, even though she is Italian and I have no idea how to pronounce her name, she knows what a serious Southern lady should wear. You should wear this.

DGF: How much does it cost?

Miss Grimke: Thousand of dollars I am sure but what's that compared with the cost of a class at the World's Greatest University? It is a serious dress!

DGF: Can a dress ever be serious?

Miss Grimke: On you, a dress would always be serious.

DGF: So I should rather buy a serious dress than bankroll a Boston public school kid who wants to take macroenomics at Harvard?

Miss Grimke: You have to wear something! You can't spend you life in those suits!

DGF: Watch me.

Beauty tips

Miss Grimke: Do you think the North is as racist as the South now?

DGF: I think the battle against racism requires constant vigilance, no matter who you are or where you are.

Miss Grimke: Can you think of a beauty routine that's like that?

DGF: I think that question trivializes a serious subject.

Miss Grimke: Well, I'm not so persnickety, and I can answer my own question.

DGF: Do tell.

Miss Grimke: I think the upkeep of the elbow is like that. You can't see your own elbows, but everybody else can. Nothing can ruin the look of a pretty summer dress from behind like the sight of gray scaly elbows. Keeping them looking pretty requires constant vigilance.

DGF: What do you do to keep your elbows looking pretty, Miss Grimke?

Miss Grimke: I cut a lemon in half and mash the pulp side onto my elbow and turn it a few times, like I'm making lemonade. It's a gentle bleaching and exfoliation. Then rinse and apply lotion. Repeat as necessary. Check my elbows in a mirror frequently.

DGF: I really don't think I'll go to all that trouble.

Miss Grimke: Why on earth not.

DGF: I don't care how my elbows look because I don't go sleeveless even in the shower anymore.

Miss Grimke: Someone famous said that.

DGF: I'm famous.

Miss Grimke: But not for saying that.

DGF: Yet.

What we did this summer

I know I know I know I have been neglecting Drew's fan base terribly, but I'm sure you will all forgive me when you hear what I've been doing--Drew made me project manager for the goat farm! I have been learning a lot, and Drew has been re-learning a lot. For example, "breeding pairs" is a bad idea. Goats are creatures of instinct, not romance. And they have a herd mentality: only one guy gets all the girls. She even had the names all picked out: Sissela and Derek; Geraldine and Tony. We kept Sissela and Derek, for obvious reasons. But Derek has to live apart from the does except for during those special times in the moon phase.
What about Tony? Here's where it gets complicated. Bucks get terribly lonely, but they can't live with other bucks. Housework would never get done! Sorry, my bad. They would fight. The solution is a wether. We couldn't name the wether Tony and Drew wouldn't let me name him Larry, so we just call him Sweetie Pie.

Sidestepping Death

Miss Grimke: I can't read your book before I go to bed. Last night I dreamed my yard was full of corpses. I couldn't walk out the front door without stepping over a dead body.

DGF: You must have lived in Gettysburg in a prior life.

Miss Grimke: Why did you write that book?

DGF: All I ever really want to do is figure things out.

Miss Grimke: That, and run things.

DGF: Well yes.

Miss Grimke: I guess if you could write I can at least read it.

DGF: During the day, by a window where you can hear birds singing and children at play.

Pride Week debrief

Miss Grimke: So what did you wear?
DGF: My gown over my qipoa, as I do whenever I want to look and feel special.
Miss Grimke: Ha. I bet you wore that navy pantsuit.
DGF: If you know all the answers why bother asking me questions?
Miss Grimke: Okay. I'll try some hard questions. Can a southern lady be gay?
DGF: Don't be silly. Of course she can.
Miss Grimke: Can a southern gentleman be gay?
DGF: Ditto.
Miss Grimke: Can a gay gentleman be a southern lady?
DGF: Some of the best southern ladies are gay gentlemen.
Miss Grimke: Can a gay lady be a southern gentleman?
DGF: I believe I have seen a few.
Miss Grimke: Why don't you wear your gown everywhere? It looks the best on you. I'd love to see you wafting back and forth across the Yard in it several times a day.
DGF: That would look pretty dumb.
Miss Grimke: Not really. It would upgrade the whole scene.
DGF: I'm afraid it wouldn't go over well with the powers that be.
Miss Grimke: Aren't you the powers that be?
DGF: You got me there.

Report card for a Southern Lady

The young ladies and gentlemen over at the Crimson graded Drew's freshman year. We don't know much about being president of the World's Greatest University, but we do know a lot about being a Southern Lady. Here is her report card, as graded by those of us who know what's really important.


Fashion: A minus
A lady should look pulled together without drawing undue attention to herself, unless she is Queen of May.

Sometimes it is the person being graded who does the teaching, and that is the case with Drew and Fashion. She gives us little to talk about, and for that we commend her. We would like to see more creativity around piping and lapels, perhaps a subtle tweed from time to time, and we'd love to see a punchy color in the shells she wears under the jackets. But absolutely don't stop with the pearls!

Decorating: B minus
The office says President--what more could we ask for? The Aeron chair, though, is so Route 128. We'd like to see something a little more donnish.

Cooking: C plus
Drew knows her strengths and looks for ways to transcend her weaknesses. Sometimes the middle of the road is exactly where you want to be.

Animal Husbandry: Incomplete
Drew is poised to do some of her best work in this arena.

Gardening: Pass
We congratulate Drew on not making a mess (yet) of converting Elmwood into a dairy farm.

Conclusion: We cannot say that Drew exceeded our expectations for the year, because, really, our expectations could not have been higher. We can say with confidence that she surprised us in many many wonderful ways, and although we have had a few eensy eensy differences, which is not to be unexpected between even the best of friends, in the final analysis we are thrilled thrilled thrilled and can't wait to see what's next!

Sex or Death

What a cruel world! The library called to let me know that my copy of This Republic of Suffering had arrived on the same day that SATC premiered! How can I chose between Drew Faust and Carrie Bradshaw! Between Carrie Bradshaw and Drew Faust?!

I am paralyzed with indecision!

Who do you think Drew is? Is she a Carrie? A Charlotte? A Miranda? Surely not a Samantha LOL! Like most of us, she's probably a mixture. But what proportions? I think maybe 20% Carrie, 40% Miranda, 30% Charlotte and 10% Samantha.

Recipe swap

Miss Grimke: What's your favorite cheese?

DGF: That's a trick question to which I have the correct answer: goat cheese.

Miss Grimke: How do you prepare goat cheese?

DGF: I prepare goat cheese by going to the Trader Joe's in Cambridge, next to the Microcenter. There's plenty of free parking and Charlie and I like to browse in Microcenter. It's what we consider a date. We like puttering around with electronics. I got one of those digital picture frames. I love it to death!

Miss Grimke: All full up with Matthew Bradys I bet.

DGF: I am not that much of a geek!

Miss Grimke: You consider shopping at Microcenter a date and you are not that much of a geek?

DGF: I thought we were talking about cheese.

Miss Grimke: How do you prepare the cheese after you go to Trader Joe's?

DGF: I take home the cheese. Then I take out my pepper grinder and a sheet of waxed paper. I grind the pepper on the waxed paper, thick and wide. Then I unwrap the goat cheese. It comes in that log shape you know? Then I roll it over the cracked pepper until it is totally covered. I serve it on a nice china plate with fancy crackers and a real sterling silver butter knife.

Miss Grimke: I bet that gets the oohs and aahhs!

DGF: It does. It looks real fancy. I don't do it often though, only for very special guests that are worth the trouble.

Fogg of war

Miss Grimke: I cannot believe you are closing the Fogg until 2013. That is five years. Babies not even conceived this year will be walking and talking, saying their ABCs, counting to 100, potty trained, quoting from Shrek...

DGF: Don't you go all Obama on me!

Miss Grimke: I will not be able to stand it. I love that big picture with all the people in it, and the one with the babies in heaven and all that fruit! And that chalk thing of the storm at sea done by the guy they named Allston for! They all soothe my savage breast!

DGF: Suck it up, Miss Grimke. Go to the Gardner for heaven's sake!

Miss Grimke: I will. I will go to the Gardner, and maybe I will not be back.

Update on Elmwood goats

An unidentified source has informed us that four does and a single buck, all Nubians, have been ordered and are on their way to Elmwood. They need time to get acclimated before breeding season, which usually starts in late August. Kids would be born in February or March and then we'd (we? I am getting caught up in this!) need to wait another 10 months before we could start milking them. Possibly Drew has ordered goats already into their milking cycles. We shall see.
Nubians are the cutest, with floppy ears, but they have very annoying voices. They sound like complaining children. Wonder if Tory Row is really up for this.

Academic Literary Fashion Dish

Miss Grimke: Did you wear the qipao under the gown at Ed Ayers' coronation?
DGF: Inauguration. Induction. Yes, of course Miss Grimke, I wear it everywhere.
Miss Grimke: Do you think Ed is the male DGF?
DGF: In terms of fashion sense I think he is a little more conservative.
Miss Grimke: What did he wear under his gown?
DGF: Jeans and a flannel shirt. He will never outgrow the Huck Finn look.
Miss Grimke: How's this for an SAT question: Ed Ayers is to Tony Horwitz as Drew Faust is to ___.
DGF: Geraldine Brooks.
Miss Grimke: You are brilliant!
DGF: Not really. I just know how your mind works.

Can't you just see her in this?

NEWS FLASH: DGF GOES WILD IN LIGHT GRAY

Yes yes loyal fans, our dear Dr. Faust was photographed in a gray suit on an outing in Korea. Look how she expresses herself with the subtle piping and eccentric cut of the lapels. No man could get away with that, so eat crow all of you who think DGF will not branch away from man-suits. I wonder if those are her mother's pearls? Their pink blush is so sweet and adds just the right feminine touch.

Now for the challenge. Jane Zhu over at qipaobyjane presented Drew with a "custom-made shirt in the traditional Chinese style of the qipao (pronounced chee’ pau), with a mandarin collar, side closure and fabric knot buttons." according to Jane's news release. When I googled Jane before seeing her newsrelease I was a little shocked at the images of sexy ladies in tight silk and thought Good Lord we'll never see Drew in something like that. But no, Jane struck just the right note, found the exact intersection of Drew and qipao. The jacket is "a warm gray Chinese silk satin, lined with soft floral Thai silk and edged in, of course, crimson." Painted on the fabric is a poem in Chinese calligraphy, couplet by Warring States Period poet and philosopher Qu Yuan (340-287 BC), "considered by many to be the father of Chinese Poetry. 路漫漫其修远兮,吾将上下而求索. It roughly translates to “\'the road (truth) is long and arduous, forward and backward shall I seek.' In other words, veritas."

“I came to the poem after much philosophical discussion and inquiring back and forth with learned fathers of friends,” said Zhu in the news release. “I knew that I wanted something very Chinese, but at the same time it had to represent Harvard, and be appropriate for a piece of clothing.”

The news release reports "Faust’s reaction was enthusiastic and warm, 'Isn’t it lovely!' she exclaimed.'I can’t wait to put it on!'”

And speaking for all of us in the fan club: We can't wait to see you in it!

Elmwood Goat Cheese

Miss Grimke: Why oh why oh why?
DGF: Do you know that 40% of the produce served in the dining hall is locally grown? Why stop with produce? I'm converting garages to dairy barns and shopping for some breeding pairs.
Miss Grimke: Breeding pairs of what, pray tell?
DGF: Goats, dear Miss Grimke. We'll be raising goats on the Elmwood lawn and supplying the dining hall with fresh cheese. Do you know you can now shop for goats on line? Makes my little-ole ex-4-H heart go pittypat.
Miss Grimke: I hate to change the subject but what about that image of you in the Sunday Times, the Crazy Drewdie?
DGF: Actually Miss G I am on that subject. That's going to be the label on the Elmwood Goat Cheese, only minus the insane part, and minus the low prices part, and well, minus all the words. We are working on the text, but frankly, it's on the back burner until we have at least some goats on hand. Don't want to put the cart before the horse!
Miss Grimke: Or the label before the cheese. I'd love to give you a hand with the marketing. Does this mean all is forgiven?
DGF: All what?
Miss Grimke: You know, the book about the book.
DGF: Oh that. Like I need more fans.
Miss Grimke: I'll try not to take that the wrong way.

Ladies of the books

I must confess an act of betrayal. On the very day DGF was hawking This Republic of Suffering at the Coop, Geraldine Brooks spoke to budding journalists at Boston Latin Academy about People of the Book. I caught Geraldine and came home so exhausted with happiness I couldn't muster the strength to attend DGF's signing. I know I know I betrayed not only DGF but all the many many loyal members of the DGF fan club. But as I told my DH when I got home from communing with GB, "I can handle only one peak author experience per day!"

I bought a copy of P of the B and watched GB autograph it. Oh what grandeur in that fabulous swirl of ink with which she inscribed my book!

Another confession. I haven't been able to read P of the B because I always eat or drink when I read and I'm afraid to sully it. I've never felt this way about books before. Pasta sauce! Wine! Tuna drool! Who cares? It's the words that are important. (To Drew's many fans in the library community: Just Kidding!)

Passover is coming, and the Book of the book is a Haggadah, for reading at the Seder. It is timely that I should now read People of the Book, perhaps with a small glass of wine set carefully to the side.

Meanwhile I've ordered This Republic of Suffering from the BPL. I'm number 33 in the queue. In contrast, were I to order PoftheB from the BPL I'd be number 80.

I wonder does DGF have on the back burner a piece of literary fiction she will share with us someday? I'll ask her next time I run into her, if she will ever speak to me again.